Velcro RockYard & Garden Decor

Remarriage, Blended Families, And Blended Stuff – Create Opportunity From Challenge

Remarriage. It’s the “blend” setting on the Cuisinart of life. The kids, the finances, the friends, the pets, the former in-laws-all a breeze compared to blending your stuff into the same home-sweet-home and learning, up close and personal, why it’s said, “One person’s treasure is another’s junk.”

You’ve both got a house full of furniture, art, knickknacks, and–’fess up–a ton of crap that by any standard belongs in a garage sale at best, more likely in the trash. But it’s your crap, thank you very much, and you’re attached to it: the molded-to-his-backside recliner with cup holder and duct-tape-repaired rip…the tattered-but-beloved bed canopy your great-grandmother crocheted in the previous century…the paint-by-number landscape your grown-up son did as a ten-year old…the ceramic frog collection you started as a kid that now occupies an entire bookcase. It’s no small task to find a place for all that stuff let alone tastefully mix early American milk glass with contemporary chrome ‘n glass. Here’s the kind of conflict you can face:

When my ex and I married, I moved into his house. We did okay until it came to what was the ugliest painting since men began sketching on the walls of caves. It was hung where seen within seconds of walking through our front door. A gift from a favorite uncle, my ex had a sentimental attachment to it. Now, if the uncle were prone to dropping by unannounced, was obscenely wealthy, and my ex was the sole heir, I suppose I could have learned to love it. No such luck. The uncle lived 2,000 miles away, was infirm, and of modest means. Nothing I said persuaded my ex to get rid of it until I had a stroke of brilliance. I refused to invite people to our home. As I explained to my ex, I did not want people to think I had the bad taste to display that so-called art. My ex wanted to “compromise” and move it to another room. I preferred a bonfire. We settled on the garage.

Believe me, my hubby Dale became twice as attractive when I learned he lived on a boat and possessed neither a recliner nor “art.” When we got married, he had nothing (I’m not kidding, nothing) to move into my house that I had happily decorated to my precise taste. All he wanted was about 3 feet of closet space. With a little pushing and condensing, I squeezed out just about that much. Oh, the joy!

I suppose the perfect solution is to move into a new house where you each have your own room to display the can’t-let-it-go stuff and hire a decorator for the rest of the house. But that’s impractical, not to mention ridiculously expensive. Most of us are stuck negotiating what to do with all that stuff.

Remarriage. Yep, it’s a challenge. It’s enough to make one seriously contemplate Katharine Hepburn’s approach. She said, “I often wonder whether men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” I dunno, Katharine. Sharing the nest with your sweetheart is pretty darned nice. So, think of all that stuff-blending as an opportunity to score points (or what my hubby and I call Frequent Foreplay Miles). If you do, you’ll find yourselves each giving in a little and before you know it, you’ll have your cozy nest just the way it should be, recliner, ceramic frogs and all.

About the Author

Shela Dean is a relationship coach, speaker, and Amazon bestselling author of
Frequent Foreplay Miles
– Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, available through Amazon.com and other booksellers. Her book and advice have helped many couples in their journey to
improve intimacy
and strengthen marital bonds.

5 Reasons Why A Ceramic Frog Shouldn’t Be Your Best Friend

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